Freeze Outs. Reward And Punishment.

Women are communication driven. Since ancient times having social contacts has been, for the woman, a matter of survival. A man can go into a wood. He can hunt, fish and build a small house. He can survive alone for a very long time. 

A woman gets pregnant. She cannot survive for long in difficult conditions without social support.

For this reason, women react with anxiety to a cut in communication. They get scared of it. Anyway, I have noticed a few issues in the way some guys use freeze outs.

Some guys use freeze outs well. Other guys use them in a way that goes against their own interests.  For this reason, here’s a few words to you about freeze outs.

A freeze out is when you cut communication with a woman for a long or short time. I will post later about a more specific topic: mini freeze outs. 

Now first about freeze outs: 

A freeze out is a way of raising the price of communicating with you. It is a way of putting a price label on yourself in the interaction with her.

Cutting communication with a woman is an extremely strong move. It is stronger than anything else you can do to achieve compliance.

Another good thing is: freeze outs do not waste your energy! 

Yes, you can shout, argue, be nervous and do all the kind of “alpha” or “beta” stuff. 

Women will laugh at you. They will block you, even if you are alpha, if you are without an understanding of this process. 

The reason is this: for as long as you keep up your communication with a woman she will always know that she owns you.

For as long as you are investing your energy into her – either in a positive or negative way – she will know that she owns you!

You can use freeze outs in several different situations:

– When you are dating her, when you want her and she resists you.

– In a relationship when she is not showing understanding for your needs.

– When she displays drama to control you.

– When she tries to manipulate you.

– To deal with refusal of sex.

– To deal with lack of respect.

– When she tries to own you by making you feel guilty.

– Many others.

Anyway, freezing her out will only ruin your interaction with her if you don’t know how to do it in the proper way.

You should use freeze outs to create good opportunities for pleasure. The pain should be short-termed.

Creating pain is not a goal!

To quote Henry Kissinger: “No one will ever win the war of genders. There is too much fraternizing with the enemy.” 

Good leaders build opportunities. 

You do not want a conflict or a war with someone you want to have sex with.

It makes no sense. You want to lead them into good things. Not into conflict.

Without a good enough understanding of seduction you will misplace the freeze outs. 

I see many guys doing this: they punish girls with freeze outs when the girl is investing into them.

Instead, they reward the girl exactly when they should raise the price of the communication to have her invest more. 

This comes from lack of experience. 

Either the guy is not seeing something important in the interaction with her or he feels fear.

In seduction, you want to draw her into your sphere of influence to create pleasure and good feelings. This should be for both of you.

The proper use of the freeze outs goes like this:

What you need to follow is how and how much she invests her energy into you. 

You also need to follow how what you are doing is moving you towards your goal or away from it.

When she is doing something that stops you from having her invest into you a long or short freeze out is appropriate. 

When she is investing her energy into you running a freeze out on her is a huge mistake!


Because you are punishing her for doing what you want! In a word, it would be like teaching an employee how to work worse and less or not work at all!

Real life situations:

– She is testing you and spending her time on that. Thus investing into you. You run a freeze out on her. Mistake! The fact that she is testing you is an investment of energy into you. It means she likes you. The proper reaction is to pass the tests and create opportunities.

– Her level of interest is low and you are working to have her attracted to you. She raises her “price” too much. A freeze out is put in place! By doing that, you raise your price more. It works in your favor.

– She is putting on a dramatic display of emotions because she is under the pressure of a tremendous sexual desire. You freeze her out. Wrong! The right “cure” is building more attraction, then comfort, then mind blowing sex!

– She is putting on a dramatic display of emotions to force you to do something that pleases her and goes against your interest. Here a freeze out is more than appropriate! 

– She tries to manipulate you into something that would create more pleasure and good things for both of you? Well why the hell would you freeze her out? Agree and enjoy!

– Instead if she is manipulating you to take advantage of you in any way! Well showing her that she will lose her chances by freezing her out is appropriate!

A good rule of thumb is to follow the process, not the content and ask yourself “Why she is doing that?” and then think: “Is what she is doing attraction and investment of energy into me” or.. “Is she doing something that will damage her sexual desire, her attraction and move me away from my goal?” 

In the first case reward! In the second case freeze her out for a while! 

She will be back!

Cheers, Franco 

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Dating Advice And Female Relationship Coaching For Men That Actually Works!


  1. Hi Franco I have some confusion between tests and disrespect or guilt. Sometimes my woman will seem to be testing me, but in a way to make me feel guilty and like I am doing something wrong. I feel like I can pass her tests (agree and amplify) but it’s hard to tell if she’s just testing or is it something I should be freezing her out for.

    Sometimes she justifies her behavior with, “you don’t spend enough quality time with me,” after she’s been disrespectful and it’s hard to tell if she’s sad or being a bitch that I need to punish her for. Freezing her out doesn’t seem to improve the situation, she stays blaming me and says I’m never there. I just want her to be peaceful and loving.
    P.S. she is a high self esteem good girl from what I’ve observed.

    Thank you for your work, you are truly some of the best advice around!

  2. Hey Franco what do you do if the lack of respect continues after having freezed her out on several occasions. It’s almost like a test and it is very draining to deal with often. I think I am dealing with a high self esteem Good Girl who is just going through some emotional crisis. Should I freeze her out longer?

  3. Franco when is your book about gaming the “Bad” girls (referenced in your gaming the “good” girls book ) coming out?

  4. I dump the girl. It means she has not respect for me. It means I am for her purely an object. By the way, speaking in general: good girls understand that after a major lack of respect it is very difficult to keep up a good relationship. Appreciation is important for a good relationship. Without that there are no good relationship.

  5. Hello Daniel, thank you for your kind words. You are in the second stage of the female sexual game. The stage of “open up to me.” It is the stage when the woman tries to get control over the heart and the mind of the man she is attracted to. You went successfully through stage I (you passed her tests) I would suggest you have a deeper look into her personality. If a woman in stage II uses guilt trips to control her man either she is disappointed about herself or about the relationship. If she is disappointed about herself then why? If she is disappointed about the relationship then why? A HSE (high self-esteem) woman uses positive ways of reaching the heart of her man, not negative ones.

  6. Hi Franco,
    great article, often when I need it I always read…good question asked by Daniel. How do you know if it is a test or is it something unconscious?

  7. Hello Simone, to understand that you need to ask yourself this question: is she doing this to protect herself against something, a fear, some insecurity. If this is the case then it is more likely to be unconscious. If the test is instead directly meant to check the strength of your defenses that it is much more likely to be conscious. It can be anyway impossible to 100% distinguish the two completely from each other because a girl can test you out of unconscious insecurities or with a goal in mind. Very often it is a mix of the two.

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