To be a free man with a good inner game you must learn to manage your neediness well
I am willing to share with you this free knowledge about neediness.
Neediness management is essential to be a successful seducer and even more essential to have good relationships with women.
The distinction between biological and psychological, body and mind does not exist in reality. All of these happen together, as a whole.
This is true for neediness, too.
If you try to understand neediness by considering it only a psychological . issue you will never understand it fully and you will never be able to manage it.
Neediness is first of all a biological, physical phenomenon and not only an abstract psychological problem.
The brain has a biological rewarding/punishing system, which – by the means of hormones and neurotransmitters like endorphins, dopamine, serotonin – rewards us by giving us pleasure any time we do something which is essential for the survival of the individual and the species.
Such things are for example moving, running (hunting, fighting,escaping), having sex (children), eating sugar ( essential for the brain )The same system punishes us with pain if we do something which is potentially not useful for the individual and the species.
Neediness exists for a positive evolutionary purpose and the brain maintains it. Without neediness no children would be born, we would be merciless and rational 100% Alpha creatures and we would end up killing each other until the survival of only one.
Empathy is one of the feature of neediness = “I know how you feel” versus “I get what I want”
The human child is needy as definition and remains such for long years after the birth.
Managing neediness is smart. Denying neediness and fighting against is foolish. You cannot fight a biological feature of the brain. You have to manage it.
Neediness management is the group of skills a seducer uses to be non needy and manage his neediness so that it serves what he wants instead of neediness controlling the seducer himself.
It is the difference between properly riding a horse and a wild horse out of the control of his rider.
So if you get into the negative mindset of “I must get rid of this neediness” you will hit the head in the wall of your bachelor pad, do stupid things like take drugs, alcohol, gamble, over eat and get attached to the “tits” of some long-term relationships of yours and at the end of the day you will be betaised.
You cannot fight against your own brain but the good news is that you can successfully manage your brain.
Neediness management means awareness of your needs so that you can manage them in the direction you want. The successful strategy is the same like in judo: winning the enemy by softly using it s strength.
And now some practical advice.
I will give here extensive advice on neediness management so that you will be able to never be betalsed,
Keep your health and happiness good and get always what you want.
The human brain is wired to socialize in order to increase the chances of survival. We are clearly social, group animals.
Fighting against this instinct results in increased neediness because being social is biologically wired in our brain. Some group psychoanalysts go so far to believe that there is no mind without the group.
There are studies made on prisoners of war which seem to confirm what these psychoanalysts believe.
It was asked from them for research purposes which is the worst kind of torture. It was asked from them for research purposes which is the worst kind of torture.
All of them seemed to agree that the worst one is totally isolating the prisoner.
One of them survived isolation by drawing on the wall of his prison an animal, giving the animal a name and by talking to it.
Betaised males coming out of divorces may be at worst in a very bad state of social isolation with extremely increased degree of neediness.
One of the core features of the process of betaising and one-itis is when the female of our species uses the usually bad awareness most of the males of our species have of their emotional needs – paradoxically often the strongest ones ! – to make their need for socializing completely satisfied by her, the children and asocial network of her own.
This usually begins with “why don t you open up to me?” or “I want you to be sweet to me” and “my girlfriend Mary noticed I was so sad because we did not buy that car”
This usually brings to him having a social network totally controlled by her.
To avoid an increase in neediness keep on constantly several social circles of yours so that your brain inducted need for socializing is never invested in one person only and one social circle only.
If you have ONSs (one night stands), FBs, (fuck buddies) MLTRs,(multiple long-term relationships) LTRs (exclusive long-term relationships) or are married never make of these the only source of satisfaction of your brain´s need for socializing.
Manage your needs and spread your investments!
MENTAL STATE SHIFTS
In the case you ended up into social isolation you may enter a state of anxiety, feelings of being worthless, guilt, depression. Before you raise your hand to drink the first beer, call your one itis, ask your LTR why she is late or sniff your cocaine realize that your brain is signaling- by lowering your endorphin levels and other hormonal changes – the fact that by being alone you are in danger.
What you need here is not to call your one itis or get drunk. You need to give to your brain something telegraphing to it that you are again on the right track in matters of survival and the brain will raise the endorphins promptly again.
As a rule Socializing= High Endorphins = Good State
Isolation= Low Endorphins = Bad State.
Anyway there is an important side note: the nature and quality of the social interactions you have are very important.
As a rule:
Isolation = Low endorphins = Bad State.
Bad Social Interaction = Bad State= Even worse than isolation (Guys in relationships remember this!)
Good Social Interaction = Good State ! Better than Isolation !
To achieve good mental state shift you need to slowly condition your brain and give it evidence that you are in social interaction. This is similar to what happens when you do yoga breathing exercises and you calm down. You begin to influence your mind starting from the body
To achieve the mental state shift you need to acknowledge that in isolation your mental state changes compared to what it is to when you are socializing. Actually what happens in your body is so subtle and unconscious that I would say simply assume that your mental state is different when you are in isolation compared to what it is when you are socializing.
So to effect your mental state positively get the fuck out of the house!
Smile and say “hi” to the people around you, talk in an non weird way to the people about whatever comes to your mind. What you say is not important as long as it is positively framed, friendly and non threatening, While you talk to people you will slowly notice a sense of well being coming.
This is due to a positive shift in endorphins levels (other neurotransmitters involved are dopamine and serotonin ) and slowly brings your brain into the wanted state.
This can require – depending on what person you are and how long you have been isolated or worse isolated in a bad relationship – from a few minutes to some day.
So persist, don t give up!
How this effects positively neediness? How this effects positively neediness?
When you learn to:
Use socializing as a way to influence your own state. Use socializing as a way to influence your own state.
Quickly detect and next bad interaction with negative people.
You will be managing the need your brain biologically has of relating to the individuals of the same species but in a way controlled by you.
Without the management your need will increase, your mind will slowly go into a state of contact starvation and that will make of you an easy target for being betaised by women in relationships and for any kind of manipulative woman you meet on the path of your love relationships.
Your brain can shift between two states:
Uptime is when you are all the time in touch with the outer world by using your senses.
Downtime is when you think, when you withdraw into your inner world. For example while I am writing this I am in downtime.
While having for sure the important meaning of having you to focus on creativeness, scientific and philosophical thinking, task solving and so on staying too much in downtime is bad and it increases your neediness.
The reason is that the more you stay in downtime the more you tend to withdraw from social contacts. Withdrawing from social contacts slowly increases the brain s need to have rapport, contact with other people and makes you needy.
So to manage neediness you gotta give the brain it´s dose of good social contact in a managed way.
Women do this instinctively all the time. Go out to the town and look around. You will see women sitting in sets of two taking care that their brain gets the proper dose of social contact.
Usually they keep a pretty superficial relationship with the girlfriends and they take care that the “therapy session” with the girlfriends – while sometimes touching deep issues – never gets really serious.
They also make sure to spread their emotional investments as widely as possible into different persons. That seems to be needy from them but actually it is the opposite: an extremely smart strategy to manage their own neediness so that they do not really need anyone emotionally.
THE NATURE AND QUALITY OF THE SOCIAL CONTACTS.
Is extremely important.
If you are in downtime and socially isolated you become needy and get into a downward spiral. If you try to get out of the social isolation but do not choose your social contacts wisely that will increase your neediness even more.
At worse you may end up in a situation where you feel anxious and needy when you are alone and anxious and needy when you are socializing due to the bad quality of the contacts you have.
Energy vampires are a reality! They do exist out there and are ready to suck your psychic blood.
Energy vampires are often masochists who enjoy suffering and having negative mind frames.
You can detect the energy vampires by detecting the number of negative mind frames with a masochistic content in their talks.
Examples of the sickness and the medicine for it.
Woman: “I have such a fat ass. I will never get a boyfriend.” Seducer: “Sorry.. suddenly I got a terrible headache. I think I need to go. Let s get back to this another time. You are cute!”
= POLITE NEXT!
Which means you are never going to meet her again!
Male friend:”You know. I am so envious of you. I see how you can seduce women all the time. I would like to be so good as you are…”
Seducer: “Well you know. There are guys who have a lot of knowledge about seducing women, meet some of them, if you get there and work hard you will be slowly able to do the same…”
Male friend:”Seducing women? You gotta be kidding! Those guys are totally immoral! Manipulating women in such a way!”
Seducer:”Man, suddenly I feel a strange headache. I think I need some rest. Lets get back to it another time, ok?”
= POLITE NEXT!
Which means you are going to change your wingman into someone more positive and less envious of you!
It is not that the seducer would like to be “bad” and “asocial.” He is aware of how negative frames effect his mind by increasing neediness and spoiling the state.
He is only protecting himself.
It is about survival.
Words effect the brain !
In situations like the above the healthier choice is simply to bring our own ass to a different venue!
So as a rule next energy vampires and fill your social network with interesting people, spread your emotional investments and that will help you into good neediness management.
Skin contact, kino (not necessarily sexual!) with other member of the species is good!
Skin contact, kino has a profound positive effect on your endorphins level and makes you feel good.
There are many animal species that are constantly close to each other when they move in groups and even at closer contact when sleeping.
This is a biological mechanism ruled by nature. There are studies where small doses of morphine ( it acts on endorphins ) reduce the separation anxiety in animals.
So the opiate system of the brain is largely used by nature as a reward system to have us do things which help survival.
Nature wants skin contact and socializing for survival purposes. It has biological basis. Have you ever been touched by other guys so much like when you were in the Army?
There is a reason for it.
Go to watch the movie “Save Private Ryan” by Steven Spielberg. At the end of the movie Private Ryan just gets to know that his brother died inaction.
A comrade is keeping him on his chest like he would be his mother.
So here there is ground for neediness management: you are all born by human mother and you cannot deny the need for physical contact.
Through physical contact you were fed when you were newborn.
The married man who has no social network and lives with a wife who denies sex and affection from him and has betaised him is at risk for great neediness!
Slowly he gives up all the physical contact (also non sexual!) in the fear of being rejected sexually and his neediness ( due to low endorphin levels!) skyrockets and he can be manipulated even more while the process brings him to a downward spiral.
How to manage your need for contact
When meeting girls touch them early on and touch them a lot. Make sure they touch you a lot. In you are not in an exclusive relationships keep MLTRs
(Multiple Long-Term Relationships) with sweet girls who touch you alot.
Get a lot of physical contact! Get a lot of physical contact!
Never do the AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) thing of staying in aLTR ( Exclusive Long-Term Relationship) with a woman who is not able to accept your humanity and link physical contact with sex.
Never spend your time with women who are emotionally cold and distant.
A QUALITY OF THE MIND
The need for something or someone recognizing the existence of the mind itself is a feature of the mind.
What good service a dog coming to the door does to you in the periods of life you live alone? It tells to you:. I recognize that you exist!
The mind cannot work well without reflection. It gets into a spiral of unbearable tension. That s what women do when they sit in sets of 2 or 3 at the town. They discharge the emotional tension.
There is a need of the mind for reflection.
I make a large use of animals and fetishes to manage my own neediness.I have had in the last years two Doberman s: Terminator and Conan. They are both gone, sadly.
At the moment I have a couple of cats: Casanova and Safire.
Casanova comes to the door to acknowledge me when I get in.
I also have fetishes: a dog made of wool I have, I call him Transit. It comes playfully from psychoanalysis. It comes from the term: Transitional object.
The transitional object is an object a 1-2 years old child keeps as a substitute of the mother. Well guys you will be surprised but when Franco was not married yet and was traveling around the world on his long hunting expeditions the first thing he saw in the morning on his bed was Transit.
I am now on travel, going home. When I will walk through the door there will be on my bed Transit, staring at me. The need of the mind of being recognized will be satisfied.
This is neediness management. By becoming good in it you can practically manage 100% your neediness in all your relationships with women so that it can be zero level towards any woman, no matter how hot.
FALLING IN LOVE
Falling in love is an organic (biological) psychosis the purpose of which is to keep two individuals long enough together to guarantee pregnancy to happen and the care of the child long enough for the child to survive.
I wish I would have known this when I was 17 years old!
Falling in love may make you badly needy. And this is bad, bad, bad!
Anyway falling in love is a very pleasant experience but I would say you will need all your seducer skills to go through it without gettingbetaised.
The most beautiful metaphor about falling in love and being betaised comes from Homer`s wonderful poem The Odyssey in the scene of Odysseus and the Siren.
Odysseus orders his sailors to tie him to the ship so he can hear the singing of the Sirens and see them. His men have their eyes covered and their ears filled with cotton.
The price for not resisting the singing of the Sirens is the irresistible wish to jump into the sea to be with them and be eaten by these seductive creatures half women and half fishes.
Falling in love resembles for the high status Alpha male and seducer the same thing like in the Odyssey.
Average frustrated chumps of any kind sit at home in the armchairs. High status males need hunting and wars of conquest.
Falling in love is for them a danger.
To be able to be an Alpha male and a seducer one has to be able to enjoy the pleasures of falling in love but at the same time be tied so firmly to the ship of his own skills and well being so that he has to be able to ride the neediness connected with it.
Neediness is like a tiger your ride in order to avoid her riding you.
It is a wonderful experience. I have been there several times.
If I would say I was never hurt I would be a lier. But I came out of it and I won.
Let s say that being good in neediness management and having good seducer skills and mental state control is the ship which saves you from being betaised by the falling in love while enjoying it s fruits fully.
Anger makes you needy when:
You are not able to be in touch with it in yourself. In a word: you still are a nice guy.
When you feel it but do not express it fully. In a word “half anger” makes you needy.
Full blown anger frees you from neediness.
And with this I do not mean you bad guys should smash everything around and break people and objects!
To avoid neediness you must:
Either avoid conflict situations as much as you can or
If you have to get pissed off then be a man, make a decision, get the fucking pissed off and let people feel that under their skin !
A chronic and continuous situation of “half anger” makes you needy like hell and damages your health.
ENJOY FULLY YOUR ANGER IF YOU HAVE TO!
One of the most betaising things women do is to push the buttons of a guy`s angerwhile having him into a situation where he cannot fully express it. while having him into a situation where he cannot fully express it.
For example on the work place:
Girl:I really like your eyes ( showing naked legs)
Guy: (touches her)
Girl: .We are on the work place. I will report this!.
Now to avoid neediness you gotta have the skills and decide either to not touch her and if she touches you tell her “hands off the merchandise!” or if you touch her then tell her that “Please report me. You can blow job me in a court of law later on” and touch her ass and don`t give a shit about the consequences!
Being a man frees you from neediness. No matter which are the consequences! Being a man frees you from neediness. No matter which are the consequences!
Avoid”half anger” It makes you needy. Get pissed off and face the consequences or learn to control yourself and manager you anger internally!
Ideally when you learn inner state control you are able to avoid conflict situation in advance because you are able to next negative people out of your life!
Get always a lot of sex. Being without sex makes you needy! Don t ask for sex.
Just take it!
Sex stimulates your endorphin system positively and raises your testosterone. Your brain is built so to punish you by lowering endorphins if you do not get sex enough and reward you if you get lot of sex. reward you if you get lot of sex.
You want to know how big is your sex drive?
Take your actual sex drive and multiply it x 5 and you will get a figure closer to reality. reality.
If a woman does not like sex next her!
She is a danger for your health!
MEETING WOMEN AND SEDUCING THEM
Even if you are in an exclusive LTR keep always up your seduction skills!.
Pick-up is a social interaction and gives you a good state of mind and frees you from neediness.
Pickup is the art of bringing the woman from the pickup venue to the isolated venue (in our culture in most of the cases this is = having sex with the woman).Seduction is the art of having her emotionally and physically attracted to you.
Keep those skills always up!
If you are in an exclusive relationship and want to be faithful that is perfectly ok and you can practice the art of bringing women “close” to wanting to jump into the bed with you without having sex with them.
You are having lot of sex with your woman after all! Women with all their make-up, short skirts and seductive body language keep their own seductive skills on all the time.
So why would you not do the same?
There are many women being seductive all the time and still faithful to their husbands/boyfriends.
If you are in an exclusive relationship simply pick-up women and bring them to “the edge” and then introduce them to your wingmen for the final sexual act.
It is important to keep up your hunting skills. That frees you from neediness in regard to any single female.
By being totally non needy and internally managing your own neediness you attract women everywhere, make your woman in the main relationship happy and stay Alpha!
Put your energy into business, pick-up, seduction and never enter a relationship where you are being made weaker !
Franco, helping men since 2004